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I Wish He Got Me Pregnant!

I wish he got me pregnant! That was what immediately came into my mind when he broke up with me. I thought having a kid would tie him to me....I thought having a child with him would make him say "No" to leaving me.... I thought being pregnant could have prevented everything that happened. But, as I saw a mother begging for a few coins while carrying her almost-barenaked-infant in front of Quiapo Church, I uttered to myself "Lord! You are so great! Thank you, we didn't have a baby yet! Thank you for saving me from a deeper problem!"

I came from a broken family. My mom had 4 live-in partners, and a handful of boyfriends. I always wanted to have a functional, complete, happy family of my own with "him", and I just couldn't imagine myself raising a child without a father. Okay, I admit, "he" is responsible (that's why I fell in love with him!) and, if ever he got me pregnant, he won't ever run from his financial obligations. But, raising a child isn't just all about money. If ever we have a child by now, how can I ever explain to my child that her father left us? How can I explain that I can't feed her on time because I am busy attending to my broken heart? How can I comfort her from crying if I, myself, also need to be comforted?

I still love him.... and I pray that someday, in God's proper time, everything will still be fixed, we will both learn our mistakes from this trial, and we will get to have our own complete, happy family binded by God's love and grace.

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