The Last Time I'll be Hurting Myself

April 21 was a very bad day for me. I went to my ex's parents' house, and it just felt different - how they treated me, how they told me stories, how they wanted some legal papers to be fixed in favor of them. But, in front of them, I had to show I was okay. I bravely smiled, forced a few jokes, and tried my best to radiate a positive chi. However, after 3 long hours of pretending, I could no longer take it. I immediately told them I had to leave to meet a friend.

As I rode a bus, the conductor asked me my destination. I went blank. I didn't know where to go. I simply asked "Hanggang saan po ito? Doon na lang ako" (Until where will this bus reach? Drop me off there). As I took my bus ticket, I turned my head to face the window, then, I cried. The feeling was uncontrollable. It was so painful, and I just can't stop the tears. I started having hiccups and found it difficult to breathe. Good thing, the passenger beside me was fast asleep, otherwise, she would have enjoyed watching a drama on board!

Whenever I'm in so much pain, I always call on Angel Raphael to heal me. As I prayed, true enough, my sobs subsided and I finally got my composure. By then, my eyes were already swollen. New learning for me: I should always have my sunglasses!

To focus my attention on something else, I sent a message to some friends asking them to say a silent prayer for me. And one of them invited me for coffee! What a relief! At least, I'll be able to talk with someone who can keep me sane.

I jumped off at the Mall of Asia, and went to the restroom to freshen up myself. There were no people inside, so I decided to give my cry a full last blow. Inside the cubicle, there, I cried again. I just wanted to release all the bad emotions. After a few minutes of crying, I felt lighter. But, as I went out of the cubicle - SURPRISE! The restroom which was empty a few minutes ago was suddenly jampacked with people! I shyly smiled at the next person in line.

As I walked away with people staring at me, I silently said: Kaye, this should be the last time you'll be hurting yourself, okay?

Yes.... this will be the last time I'll be hurting myself!